tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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