is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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