I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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