theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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