I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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