I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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