Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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