you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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