the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
