everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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