dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone came in the potted fern
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
