He asked to "fluff my boner.."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
