All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
