Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
