WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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