So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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