you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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