I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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