Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
