Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm at about main and main street
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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