Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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