Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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