Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
