Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
