my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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