I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
