Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
