Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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