Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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