i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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