This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
