Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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