I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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