This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
