it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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