Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
