she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
