I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
