apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
