y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I faked an abortion last night.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
