Will you blow on my dice?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
