I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
