like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
