If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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