feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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