So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
