Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This is my gift to your gina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
