Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
