Screwed.edu
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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