Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
