she was so not down for the gang bang
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
