Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
