I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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