no, he came in my armpit
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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