just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
