we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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