I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
