she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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