Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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