So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
