As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
