Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
