I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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