the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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