Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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