What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
