What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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