If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
