I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
