Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
