I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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