Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
dude. I can hear the air.
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