The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
