Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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